will never be the man I was

       10

       Thoughts of Dick Earnest

       (Earnest is fatigued, as he stumbles trying to catch his breath, and turns off the tape player for a moment to think in his office. He laughs and takes a drink of whisky.)

       [Earnest thinking out loud] ?mm mm? Anna is older now?I sense Lady Belinda wants Anna? soul, why not, it makes sense, and makes life quite interesting, and as interesting as it is, there has to be something to it. All these families involved for so many years, too many years? the curse, the curse, the hideous curse, the unwanted curse; the curse that was never imagined to be. ????.hm mmm ?ut it would not be to anyone? benefit should she turn her soul over to Lady Belinda for that information, I must persuade her not to?br />
       ?et? see?o if Belinda gets her soul, her pure character, her eternal being, or, or gets her, her to agree to giving it, which might be a better gift than hers, Anna, oh little Anna, being born in 1981, cannot expect to live past 2101 AD, and so they end up with it, what a pity, what a crime,louboutin ps cher, what a disappointment and Belinda has to get it by 2009 AD, something like that?he bitch. Belinda will give Anna secrets, secrets to the ?7-Day Cult? about whatever she wants to know?then the transfer of souls would take place

       so many thoughts, Elsie Noddoc was born in 1796, and died in 1887, and Sally was born 1900 and died 1983; and Lady Belinda was born in AD 1009, to die in 2009 (should she not get a new soul to replace her?y oath, or agreement?. Martha was born?[pautilize?hinking] I think in 1853, and died 1866/87. Man O man, what a intricate situation. I got to find a solution for her soul. Stop this Lady Belinda; Vii will never allow her to trade it, he couldn? nor could the Cult and still expect to remain in good standing within it. Everyone fights everyone else in the dark world; no one faithful to anyone.

       11

       The Viper FamilySally Viper [Lime]

       Notes by Dick Earnest [tape player is ?ecording? now taking place]. I was just thinking Anna, what might be on the mind of Belinda?but I got thinking also of the information I acquired about Sally Viper [alias: Sally Lime]. This may startle you, and so I will go slowly in amplification of my information, or findings.

       Sally was your grandmother, and from my probing into her life, I have found out she had mystical elements about her, a powerful presence, not unique rats and dogs stepped back when she walked the streets, or sidewalks they became paralyzed, weak; --snakes and crows were at her beck and call. There was invariably (folks say) a demon in her shadow, always following her around. (As I make these tapes these ongoing days, I will send them out to you Anna, and we will meet right after, right after the last tape is taped for you and you have listened to them, but I must make two copies, and I must isolate myself in my office to finish this so don? be alarmed, no, oh no, do not be startled if I do not answer the door or phone for you, I have 1400-documents I am paging through, and not all of them are in English, some are scraps of paper, others as you know, are personal letters, and a few diaries, memos, etc. Some are in English, others are in French, some even in Greek,franklin marshall, and still others in a kind of Sumerian dialect,--with dotes and dashes,casque beats, and symbolism.

       As I was saying Anna Viper, Sally caused quite a lot of stares to take place as she walked the streets: people would take a long look at her as she walked by them, wondering what kind of power she had, almost provoking her to demonstrate it, yet fearful they might be in the middle of something, or become bewitched, and so they would quickly put on a smile for her as she passed (often times ceaseping and watching her every movement, hoping to see some magical consequences, if any would develop, that is). She was quite the celebrity in that way. She was dressed modestly although, and was fine to place your eyes upon, massive rounded eyes; her dress was of the style of the day, and showed her shape, so the, the notes say she had a great shape, nothing too appealing to cause over attention but nice, so again I say she dressed modestly to fit the day, the mode of the era, and into society, which makes sense, why be a magnet.

       I had noticed in one of her pictures, of which I have a few dozen of, -- (that is, a few dozen of the many members of the four families), she in particular, liked thin cloths, soft cotton, white blouses that clung to the body, ----clinging to the curves of her body that is, at times showing her upper body figure upon her movements. She was not tall or fleeting, it seemed, I gather about 5?? and slim. Her eyes, and I know, I keep coming back to those eyes, were expressively deep in the pictures, they almost put me into a trance simply looking at them. She didn? wear spectacles, or glasses. Somehow it seems she may have needed them, not that she was cross-eyed, or had a lazy eye, but something funny about the way her eyes were, as if one could see to the right, as the other looked straight ahead; puzzling at optimal?nd at worse. She had quite the puerperal vision while having forward vision as well.

       She gave birth to a son; I could see a weakness in her countenance as she held her child in one of her pictures, comparing the before and after images of her that is. By such pictures, one can see many things words will not describe. Her long thin white neck seemed too thin to hold her large head up for long periods of time, very sweet looking though, similar to milk-cream?ut pale and weakening.

       I read some articles about her in the library, that I took with me home, which I have here right now, and it says: her voice was distinguished in that it was endearing, low and she talked very slow with many pauses?s she was known to give some very good lectures at women? events throughout the city, and she could be quite the humorist if she wanted to get her point across; a female Mark Twain one might say. And many of her lectures were on the qualities and values of evolution. She also took a fancy on talking about demonic beings that once ruled the earth,polo ralph lauren, and on women? rights. She was not for capitol punishment per se, yet felt if murder was the crime?nd it was done to a woman by a man, it was a simple matter of ?n eye for an eye,?therefore: kill the ?astard? if that is what you wanted to do, and I quote her. The paper clippings I read concerning her also said she edited each word she spoke, or wrote, again one might say, similar to Mark Twain. Her dialogues were very precise and specific?ith little explaining: also with calmness very few people have, if not at peace with one? self, or possessed, a poet? prize.

       She seemed removed, a remnant somewhat of or from the human race?lainly ssummiting, she strikes me as a person not knowing whom to trust, and not knowing human nature; that was her downfall I expect, and yet she was quite involved with people. A happy sort of person,louboutin, in a sad sort of way, if that makes any sense [a smile emerges on Dick? face] sometimes we put on a demonstrate, for whatever reasons, and when the lights are off, that is when we sort things out. The paper also said: ?he possesses a rage unequaled to the fine women of this decade? ?hatever that means.

       Sally did once write a poem let me repeat it on this tape:

       Sally? Grief
[Dead World? Chant]

       The dead world, seems to be
Awaken to me, wherever I go?
With all its demons and imps
Walking my streets, as if?f
I didn? know?br />
       And none of them, none I say
None, really, really knowing me?br>Yet?hey seem to act
As if they do; as if they peeked
Through some peephole
Long ago?br />
       It? the living they envy I see,
The living? say, the living!
Oh yes, yes; alas!... the living;
So?ooray for the dead?br>With my pity I give.

       If?f only I had wings?eath
Death would never catch me?.

       # 451 (2003)

       Another note left by Sally (Sally was doing some deep thinking along her road of life. It was her soul she was after, and her soul that she lost, or so it would seem):

       ?ost people are made up of actions and reactions, or so I have noticed, and come to believe: very few have used the character of the soul, the very thing that distinguishes them from their name,ralph lauren, to a real person. As life goes by, I will not remember people? names,ralph lauren pas cher, only their character, for that is who they were: who they are to me, that is. There are really too many Sally? out there, but only one me, but you got to check out the character of my soul to be able to separate.?br />
       Sally

       [Anna, NOW LISTEN CLOSELY]

       Prior to her rape [her: being Sally], she had no suspicion in her life at all, now she seemed naturally on guard (I will get to that later). On guard I say again, regretfully. She, at that point had repugnance toward mankind in general; and was very much at one time, a natural, lively, blue-eyed, milky cream skin girl with lips as rosy as a sunset?ong golden hair, funny how we convert.

       12

       [Notes: tape still running, as Dick Earnest, the Christian Psychologist, presents his investigation as a monologue to Anna Viper]

       I should take a break somewhere along the line here, I?e been talking for hours, and the tapes are adding up. I put two tapes in the mail today, and one yesterday. I expect to put them all together in a week I hope, or thereabouts.

       Thomas Viper, as he is or was known, was born 1878 and died in 1931. Another mystery might be resolved here, and at the same time I might feasible be able to show you a motive somewhere along the long line of mounting lies, and deception all these families cultivated; but Anna, first things first.

       After the rape (again, I must tell you to wait on this matter of the rape, until I can put these notes together for you, they are quite alarming on one hand, and the more I search, quite disarming on the other?n that, they have a charm to them) his manner of dress became quite grotesque, a mixture of drab and pale colors?or the most part; rather unlike him, as if he was cracking up, during this period of time. In some of Sally? notes and journalizing, she says? wait a minute, I will quote them:

       Well, in the midst of all this here is what I found:

       ?homas is walking in circles daily, talking to himself, saying ? will never be the man I was? and ?ou must dominate life?, and he continues on and on this way. He scares me so. He said just today: ?y body has cracked,?now what is ?racked, mean??You crack a glass or some kind of object, not a person, anyhow, the meaning I? guess is that his mind no longer can support his body; no reality to look at anymore. He has been drinking a lot also. Drinking, drinking, drinking as if he never drank before, drinking?ore than a lot, now that I think of it; I mean really drinking as if he wanted to drink himself to death, to never wake up, up to be a pickled human drunk? He talks about the loving faces he sees on the porches around the city as he walks to and from places. The faces he encounters in alleys, backyards, are ones he makes up out of his head and then tells me about; he is not, my dear journal, my loving journal, part of the ocean of people, he is not component of anything, anymore, but he is part of the other society, but he gives me no definition of it, ugly as it maybe, it is his elite status; he once walked with his shoulders back, his head was, was held like a prince, as if what was in it was priceless, but not now, now it is as if it rotted away. Which he is doing daily, rotting away, but I am not used to it?et!?br />
       Again Anna, he was well known in the community, and had many connections, with a horrific deadly desire to control. But let me go on with his odd form of dress. His ties never matched his clothing it seemed, compared to the pictures and newspapers I?e examined; he was fairly uniform in dress prior to his crack-up, or being ?racked? His shoes were scuffed, unlike the earlier pictures I?e noticed of him, but I think again it was after the rape these things took place for he was not known for such a vagabond look, tramp look, prior to this?ot at all.

       The Crackup of Thomas

       During the evenings Thomas wore ill cut shirts, with cuffs rippled with dirt, and his collar was always dirty it seemed, as if he was trying to wipe his sins clean by punishing himself [another smile emerges on Dicks face]. It would seem he felt some kind of devotion for her?et not enough, not sufficient, oh no,polo ralph lauren, not adequate for suicide prevailed. His pride was no longer heightened by his lovely cousin? presence after the rape?is composure became hideously ugly. Would not?ould not, show anything but discontent for his cousin? condition, the very, very one he created, twisted, formed. Yes, yes, this man was cleaver, he was something else. They had both come to the point I believe,casque dr dre, when looking or talking or eating with each other [Thomas and Sally] at the boilingel where they lived together, they acted less than human with each other. As I was about to say, they came to the point of containment between each other for a long time, out of esteem for each other, especially him for her, but this too was lost. He described himself in a memo as:

       [Memo] ? am the mongoose (the one that eats the snakes), Sally is the King Cobra, I dare say, ?ow so??you say, and I mumble I have given her a child to whom the archaic ?byss Worm,moncler,?and Vii?wish to utilize for some reason, in consequence, I have infected another generation. Beware of the Master of the Cult; he has a double edge sword?Thomas

       Dennis' site: Dennis will be going to South America in October, and writing some new tales as he is there, perhaps some more "Cadaverious Planets." He has found another 35-napkins, with tales on them, called: "Cadaverous Planetoids"