navy blue parka women Tiffany Stone (The Story) Chapter Two

"Thank you, I see everyone's crying. I was trying to make everyone laugh. Let me try A Script About My Ass and see if that can get everyone laughing." Kevin said.

The Script About My Ass

Does anyone remember those early High School days? You know, the time when most of us started to discover the opposite sex in earnest, but we still weren't completely evolved yet. I can still remember those early day High School parties that we had.

You know, those parties that you would have at a friends house where all the guys would gravitate to the kitchen, and all the girls would gravitate to an up stairs bed room to talk girl talk. We all thought we were so cool. Some guy would always find a way to sneak a six-pack of beer into the kitchen and another guy would always have a pack of cigarettes.

We would all take a small glass of beer and light up a cigarette and talk about what a buzz we were getting. While we were getting our little beer and cigarette buzz, we would start talking about what girls we thought were hot. Sometimes I wondered why the girls came to the party at all, they, always seemed to be upstairs.

All that changed after a while, but it was a real evolutionary process. But while we were evolving, sure, all the guys knew about the entire guy talk in the kitchen, but no one ever knew anything about what the girls were talking about upstairs. Well, that is almost no one knew.

I overheard a very rare earshot of a conversation I wasn't suppose to hear. It was all very innocent of course, but rather interesting. This is how it all happened. I had to use the bathroom.

I knocked on the door, and one of my friends said. "I'm going to be in here for a while because I feel like I'm going to puke."

I thought okay. "I will use the upstairs bathroom."

I got almost to the top of the stairs and I heard all kinds of laughter coming from the girls in the bedroom.

I thought. "I wonder what it is that's so funny that they are laughing about?

Then I heard one of the girls say. "Yeah that Kevin has the tightest ass."

And another girl chimed in. "I couldn't keep my eyes off of his ass for the entire football game."

I realized then. "They, were talking about my ass."

I thought. "No one cares about all the touch downs I got or all the great plays I made. They're just watching my ass."

Then another girl yelled. "Yeah, I love that back field in motion."

Another girl chimed in. "Yeah, I just love seeing Kevin's ass in those tight football pants."

"I'd love to squeeze those tight buns." Another voice cried out.

And yet another voice, said. "I get goose bumps just thinking what it would be like to wrap my legs around his tight ass."

Well, at first I was devastated.

I thought. "All that pumping iron, all that hair blowing, all that expense cologne. And what are all the girls looking at? Its my ass, just my ass."

Then I thought. "Well, I better keep this little secret to myself."

I thought. "If I tell anyone I overheard this conversation, they'll never be able to keep it a secret and it will get back to the girls."

They kept talking and talking about my ass, but I couldn't listen any longer, I really did have to use the bathroom. So I used the bathroom and quietly slipped back down stairs again. Now I needed a beer and a cigarette. So, I gulped down an entire can of beer and had a cigarette, but then I really started to feel weird.

I thought. "Whoa, no more of that stuff. But then I started to think, hmmm, maybe I can capitalize on this ass thing."

I applied for a summer job, and the girl said, oh, sorry, we have no more openings. Then she said, your shoelace is untied.

I bent down to tie it. And then she said. "Oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, we do have an opening."

Now, I'm thinking. "Hmmm, is this just a coincidence? Or was she really checking me out when I bent down to tie my shoe lace?"

Then I would start to notice other little oddities. Every time I walked into the office to look for a file, I would hear all this typing. But as soon as I would turn my back and start looking for a file, all the typing would stop. And then as soon as I got the file and turned around again, the typing would suddenly resume.

"Another strange coincidence." I suppose.

When I got my first paycheck from my summer job, I thought. "Its time to do a little shopping."

Yeah, I was going pants shopping, tight pants shopping.

I thought. Hmmm, how tight can I get pants to fit?"

Then I headed out with my new tight pants. Wow, was I getting smiles.

I thought. "Screw the gym. The heck with pumping iron. I had it all together in one neat package."

Then school resumed again, and I thought. "Hmmmm, I wonder if I can get my marks boosted a bit higher if I have all female teachers?"

So, I went in to see the Guidance Counselor, and asked. "Could I have all female teachers?"

"Why do you want all female teachers?" He asked.

I said. "I seem to pay attention better."

He said. "Well, I can give you all female teachers, except for Gym Class."

"Great." I said.

I couldn't believe the difference, with all female teachers, my marks were soaring. Every once in a while, I would drop my pen or something in class, and pick it up real slow just for insurance.

What was really weird though, was that I was getting even better at football. It started to feel good just thinking that I was giving the girls a thrill. I felt like they weren't cheering for the team, but rather they were really cheering for me.

After a while, I kind of even developed a little backfield in motion wiggle. The girls were going wild.

I thought. "Hey, if you got it, flaunt it."

When I graduated High School, I was hired by a Wall Street Brokerage firm, but I had to take a medical exam before I could start working. I looked out the window in the Doctors examining room in awe at the skyline.

As I marveled at the sites, I felt a hand tap on my shoulder. I turned my head to see a Nurse standing there.

She said. "I have to take your temperature."

As she held the thermometer in her hand I opened my mouth expecting her to slip it in.

She smiled and said. "No, this isn't going in your mouth."

I asked. "Where else can it go?"

She said. "Drop your pants and shorts and find out."

I complied and as I lay down on my stomach, I could feel her stick the thermometer up my butt.

She started to chat with me and after a long while, I kind of wondered to myself. "Why is she taking so long to pull the thermometer back out of my butt?"

Just then the Doctor walked in and asked the Nurse. "Why are you taking his temperature in this fashion?"

Her face now a bit blushed, she exclaimed. "Oh I had some medical questions to ask him, and he couldn't answer them if the thermometer was in his mouth."

I thought. "Hmmm, medial questions. I couldn't remember her asking me any medical questions."

Then I thought. "Hmmm, another on of those coincidences."

The Doctor asked. "So what's the temperature?"

With that she pulled the thermometer from my buttocks at last, and said. "Your temperature is perfectly normal. And what department will you be working in?"

"That was good Kevin, my stomach is hurting from laughing so much." Tiffany Stone said.

"Great, I'm glad everyone got a good laugh out of that. Let me take a Molson break and I'll do one more." Kevin said with a smile.

"Do you always drink Molson Kevin?" Tiffany Stone asked.

"Yes always Tiffany." Kevin replied.

"I think I'll try a bottle of Molson and see what it does for my writing." Tiffany Stone said laughing.

"Well Tiffany, here's another one I wrote with the help of a few Molson's. This one is called Sex Toy for Mom. Roll the camcorder." Kevin said.

Sex Toy For Mom

I guess I did a lot of stupid things when I was a Kid. But buying my Mom a battery powered vibrator, had to be at the top of the list of stupid things I did. Of course, I had no idea what I was buying her at the time.

Well let me explain. When I was a kid, I would go to these auctions looking for things for my Science projects and everything was bid on so you knew how much it was going to be if you put a bid in on something. So that day I had found a few things I could use for my Science projects, so I started heading out the door.

As I was walking out the door, I could hear the auctioneer saying. "And this next item can give you a great massage."

Then I remembered that my Mom said a few days ago that she wished she could get a massage for her stiff neck.

So, I thought. "Christmas is coming soon, this might be a nice gift for Mom."

Then I heard the auctioneers voice say. "Doesn't anyone else want to bid on this massager?"

So I raised the bid by 25 cents more, no one else put another bid in for it, so I got the thing.

I noticed I got a few funny looks from the people at the auction.

But I thought. "They're probably wondering what I'm doing at the auction."

I was the only Kid there, and I was still in grade school.

So, I got home, and wrapped up what I thought was just a massager for your neck or something and put it under the tree for Mom. Of course I was a bit perplexed why the bottom edge was so rounded.

But I thought. "Maybe that makes it vibrate better or something."

So, when Christmas came, everyone was there, my Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts and very close family friends. I watched my Mom as she opened up my present, and I noticed that she had a very surprised look on her face.

Then, I thought. "Good, I really surprised her."

But then I noticed that my Dad and my Grandparents also had a very surprised look on their face.

But as I explained to my Mom, that. "I got that for her, so that she could massage her neck." Everyone starting laughing. I couldn't figure out what was so funny.

Then my Dad said to me. "Could you help me take some things from the kitchen."

When we got into the kitchen, my Dad explained to me, what the vibrator was used for and why it was shaped that way. When I asked my Dad.

"Why would any woman want to use a vibrator there?

My Dad just said. "I'll explain that to you another time."

So, I had bought my Mom a sex toy for Christmas. But at least Mom forgave me for my oversight. After still giving me a hug for the thought at least, I realized that day, just how much my Mom really loved me.

"Yes, it was a learning experience."

"That was fantastic. I'm definitely switching to Molson from now on." Tiffany Stone said.

"Thank you Tiffany for recording all this on your camcorder, and thank you all again for your amazing hospitality. I have to go now, but maybe someday I'll come back." Kevin said.

He grabbed the newspaper and the momento placeholder from the bar, and stuffed it into his back pocket, as was always his habit, when he went somewhere new.

Then he extended his arms to both Bernice and Tiffany Stone and said. "May I?"

Arriving at Bernice's house, Tiffany Stone pulled a bunch of gourmet food out of her bag and turned to Kevin and said. "You must be famished, let me whip something up fast in the kitchen."

With a smile, Kevin said. "I haven't had anything to eat in two days and I am just a tad bit hungry."

Bernice handed Kevin a Molson, and then said. "Let me help you in the kitchen Tiffany."

"Wow, does this ever taste good. I never had a food fantasy in my dreams, but after tasting this, move over all my beautiful woman fantasies." Kevin said with a big smile.

"I'm happy I fulfilled your food fantasy cravings Kevin, but I would like to hear more about what happened to you." Tiffany Stone said.

"Okay Tiffany here it is. It won't make a lot of sense, but this is exactly how it happened. A while back I had won a disco dance contest with a very beautiful woman during a port visit to Vancouver, Canada."

I was thinking about that. "As I sat in the lounge and thinking about how many months we were at sea now and just how long it had been since I heard a female voice or smelled the scent of sweet perfume."

"How far away from this island were you when you started to crave the smell of a woman's perfume." Tiffany Stone asked.

"Minutes before it happened, we were about 600 miles from here, according to the charts." Kevin replied.

"But 600 miles Kevin, that doesn't seem possible." Tiffany Stone said.

"No Tiffany navy blue parka women, it doesn't seem possible in a normal sense, but I was traveling over the ocean at warp speed until I at last dropped into the water." Kevin replied.

"But how did you survive the cold water Kevin?" Tiffany Stone asked.

"I think I would have died Tiffany, if it were not for the combined body heat of the twin sisters that thawed me out." Kevin said.

"Did anything unusual happen on your ship, just before you had your out of body experience Kevin?"

"Yes Tiffany, shortly before that I was on the bridge deck looking over the charts when I became enveloped by a greenish glow. I watched it go into the water. It was very strange Tiffany. Every navigational instrument was off and all the clocks and personal watches spun backward. Officially it was listed as a small plane crash. But when I asked why we were not making a rescue effort, I was just told that I wouldn't really want to know."

"Why do you think Kevin, that you were the only one on your ship to travel to this island?"

"Well, Tiffany, if I had to guess, I think it may be a combination of two things. First, I was the only one that was standing out in the open at the time, and I got the full brunt of the greenish glow. Second, I have a tremendous will power and the desire to be around something soft and feminine just became overwhelming and somehow I think the green glow gave me a little something extra."

Oh, please, no more talk of this, I'm getting scared just thinking about this." Bernice said.

"That's the whole story anyway Bernice." Said Kevin.

"Yes, I agree, Bernice, this is getting too spooky. I'm getting another round of Molson's in the Kitchen. Tiffany Stone said.

"Cheers to that." Said Kevin.

"What about you Tiffany Stone? You never say anything about yourself on your website." Kevin said.

Laughing Tiffany Stone said. "I'm afraid I might bore my readers if I talk about myself, but if you must know Kevin, I'm a disciple of the legendary Hollywood script reader Jack Kerouac and I have a bachelor of arts in writing and literature from Naropa University in Boulder."

"So that's why you write so well. I only had a year of English Literature in College, but a buddy of mine on my ship that has a journalism degree has been giving me pointers on my comedy scripts that I've been writing for the Navy." Kevin said.

"Well Kevin, I think I would like to read your comedy scripts sometime, when your not busy dancing naked on the bar for the ladies." Tiffany Stone said laughing.

"If you would like Tiffany, I have another funny one that I was afraid to tell all the women at the bar. I didn't want them to start yelling that they wanted to see my butterfly again. This one is called Clap Your Hands." Kevin said with a big smile.

"By all means. Go ahead Kevin. It must be pretty sexy if you didn't want the woman at the bar to here it." Tiffany Stone said laughing.