-------- Dr. Lin Wencai about parenting

known as the

So, PARENTS, our problem? Our problem is what? The following is a parent representative and Dr. Lin Wencai dialogue.

Dr. Lin Wencai: Malaysia's most famous psychologist, has a solid grounding in psychology 25 years of counseling experience. Fluent in Chinese. Book Mingsatiya Master Yuehanbeiman (John Banmen) strongly recommend Dr. mentor.

Education: Ph.D., American Psychological counseling

U.S.

Present: Malaysia Satir, principal tutor

famous Satir clinical supervision and course instructors

Malaysia and China, teaching, counseling.

PARENTS: If a person can own practice well, then he will naturally become a good parent, is it?

Dr. Lin Wencai: Yes. If a person can do his good parents, the child will do some good parents. What is Is that you have no way but persist in their modest. That is, when you fail, there is frustration, and how you treat your own. You will not be very tough on their own? Can not forgive myself? If so, then when you become a parent, your child will be so when you make mistakes against him. Another point is that you have no way to keep things under control yourself, your heart can not insist on their own, , then when you treat a child may also entirely based on mood, do not know how to calibrate. Therefore, a person need not wait for the kid did not know he is not a good mother, when she faced things, you already know the answer.

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PARENTR: But it seems difficult to grasp the child's personality, in the interaction may have many variables?

Dr. Lin Wencai: everyone's already a different nature. The key is how to lead parents to children, whether the nature of the child to develop his strengths. Parents often turn a blind eye on the child's strengths, because it already had anyway. In contrast,new jordan shoes, for the lack of children, would have been criticism and accusations. In fact, effective way is to certainly, and then he did not think of a way to make up for the part. You may think children do not understand, this is normal, because of his innate character just like you do not like. You may not know him,white air jordans, but you can learn where his strengths, weaknesses in any place. Advantage on him constantly evolving and disadvantages to strengthen education.

PARENTS: If people insist on comparing the moderate and easy to be good parents, is not naturally hot-tempered person will be difficult?

Dr. Lin Wencai: irritable because the heart does not have some emotionally disposed of,tall chestnut uggs, rather than nature. I am actually a very human character,ugg button boots, but I will not for others tantrums, which I deal with the reason. Therefore, the temper of the parents first deal with their own stuff inside, rather than feelings onto the child. This process is not suppressed. If angry, you can tell them I am angry, I do not like. At this time, the children themselves will pay attention. Because our relationship has been good, they do not want to destroy this good relationship - in fact, children born to know, his feelings, physiological needs all have to rely on parents, so long as the parents of the request is reasonable , the child will think of ways not to damage that relationship. Unless you are unreasonable, he would desperately tired of you.

PARENTS: After all, we do not live in a vacuum, so our emotions are often subject to external factors, such as the eyes of onlookers, peer comparisons between the unconscious ... ...

Dr. Lin Wencai: This involves the issue of self-recognition of parents, lack of self-recognition of the parents, often through the child's performance and to prove their child's level of change. For example, a lack of self-power requirements of child rearing mother always good, courteous, ah, ah ... ... with outstanding results to prove that he is such a good mother. But if your self-recognition is good enough, noisy children, when you think about his bad mood may be, the children encounter a problem, you will want to be as a mother how to help him, they will not become personal problems, brain is always like, your face was discreditable

PARENTS: So how can parents effectively control the mind?

Dr. Lin Wencai: to put its own self-collated, allow themselves to be a particularly large number of people who choose to become a responsible person of their own, to become aware of a can within their own but also to express the inner person. Ms. Satir believes that a person is only the self part of the deal, he will be able to deal with the outside world a variety of problems. It's a bit like the concept of traditional Chinese medicine, the first is to help a person physical fitness, so even if outside bacteria, viruses, he can to resist.

PARENTS: Parents there are a relatively common psychological: his childhood in Vietnam missing something, the more the parents give their children after the compensation, such as snacks and toys, freedom and respect. For this kind of mentality, how do we deal with?

Dr. Lin Wencai: with this mentality, then there is no way that he accepted his growth,jordan outlet, he hates his growth, he can not forget their parents desire. At this time, the first should ask yourself too much regret not to cherish, desire, because it would make just the right when their children are not allowed in the face, to not do too far or do too little. Then, is to try to see from their growing positive side, ask yourself: , independent and inclusive ... So please, accept yourself, accept your growth, down to the parents desire.

PARENTS: Well, now, when we can influence a child's childhood, our desire is precisely when the child is not as much as possible should be required to give their children a better life, so his future is more likely to accept their growth?

Dr. Lin Wencai: the child's desire is his own, you have no obligation to complete his desire, just like your parents have no obligation to complete your desire. Everyone's expectations are of their own, others expect you to complete if you wish, to be thankful, if not, it was only natural. If my child told me that what other people's mothers, I told her: And I let him know that you can complete my expectations I am very pleased, but if you can not complete, as I accept you as your mother can love unconditionally accept you, then your mother if you can not fully meet the expectations of You can accept the mother?

PARENTS: As a working mother, I always heard a saying: Family Time To be honest, this sentence so I am very relieved, but do not know how you look at this view?

Dr. Lin Wencai: I do not agree with that argument, I think that is important. I think that working mothers need child 3 years ago, when the pace slowed down a bit, make some adjustments to make their work both spend a lot of time will not work. After all, the children of their own choice, our children can not shirk its responsibility, the so-called But the so-called Other children and then a little bigger, you were in the same room, he did his thing, you do your thing, this is a companionship, children will bring stability.

PARENTS: is not every parent should learn some psychology it?

Dr. Lin Wencai: I think it is. Like everyone has some knowledge of nutrition, it ought to understand some of the psychology. And, whether you want to help themselves or to help children, we need first to understand your own heart.

PARENTS: Our fathers did not seem to think, to complete the work of parents, and parents of our generation a good way, it seems unusually long way to go, this is why?

Dr. Lin Wencai: mainly because of the type of society have not the same. Now the family is one or two children, so children do not have a basic understanding of human social groups to help him different,the north face promotion code, to learn interpersonal communication, have the necessary social skills. In the past, from brothers and sisters to relatives and neighbors, we can together with a dozen children every day. Play in the process, how do people compare themselves with others how to do is not the same character, the character of some people how to do a particular child, and how awkward trouble who do ... all of these social skills, we unconsciously learned, while negative emotions are unconsciously learned. But now the child has no such opportunities, so all the responsibility falls on parents. So, now can not repeat that, Sorry, that era is gone forever.